Seven Years ago

we got to meet (well sort of) and say good bye to our sweet princess, Haley Joe.  Wow I can't believe it has been seven years already!!!

Today we get to celebrate her 7th "Heaven birthday" and rejoice because we know that one day we will see her once again.

Today, not only am I celebrating but I want to talk write about the questions that can/could come up when someone loses someone they love.  I think that maybe many people would want to know answers to these questions and so I thought I'd add it here. 
"What if we would have known?"   Well than she would have been saved with a blood transfusion(s).  She still would have been anemic, but little Ms. Prissy Pot would be here.  I must say here that if she was here Lil D would not be!!  I cannot imagine not having my happy, blonde, sweet (well most of the time), dimpled, little cuddle bug with us!!  We believe that he is supposed to be here and we also believe that she did what GOD sent her here to do!

The question, "Why did this happen to us, me, our family, etc?" has come up more often in our own minds right after it happened more than it does now.  We have discussed with my Dr. what we could've done wrong but in the end we believe that it has happened this way because it is the only way we could deal with it.  I didn't do drugs, drank any alcholic beverages, or eat horrible food for us while I was pregnant (I also am not saying that bad things should happen to people that do [far from it!!]) I do have to admit here and now though that I did think about all of this.  After all, I ate healthy, drank mostly water with a reward of tea on Sundays, and got plenty of rest, so why did my baby die without any warning and a crack head's baby live and suffer?!  Not long after I had these thoughts GOD dealt with me and I defiantly do NOT want any babies to die!!
All of this is something that happens in life, but it is particularly sad when a Mom & Dad have to bury their own child, let alone an infant!!  Just because I accepted Christ & follow God that bad things and trails will not happen to us.  They do and they will and we are not exempt from them!! As Christians, we are expected & suppose to praise Him through the good and bad times and lean on Him through these bad times.

"How do we cope with all of it now?" We talk about it, visit her mortal resting place on her Heaven birthday, discuss future plans of having another (hopefully a sister), but most of all we put all of our trust and lean on the one who has made it all and that is God!!

Mark Shultz has written a beautiful song but only a portion of it pertains to us.  It is called "What it Means to Be Loved" the lyrics that pertain to our story is this:

I wanna give her the world I wanna hold her hand

I wanna be her Mom for as long as I can 

And I wanna live every moment until that day comes

I wanna show her what it means to be loved!!

There is another, song that basically says exactly how I feel.  This song is written by Angie Smith and her husband's, Todd Smith, group Selah recorded it.  The song is called I Will Carry You or Audrey's Song.  I will put the song on here as well as the lyrics.

There were photographs I wanted to take

Things I wanted to show you

Sing sweet lullabies,

Wipe your teary eyes,

Who could love you like this?

People say that I a brave

but I am not

Truth is, I'm barely hanging on

But there is a greater story

Written long before me

Because HE loves you like this.

So, I will carry you

While your heart beats here

Long beyond the empty cradle

Through the coming years

I will carry you

All my life

And praise the One whose chosen e

To carry you!

Such a short time

Such a long road

All this madness but I know

That the silence

Has brought me to His voice

And He says....

I've shown her photographs

of time beginning

Walked her through the

Parted seas

Angel lullabies

No more teary eyes

Who could love her like this?

I will carry you

While your heart beats here.

Long beyond the empty cradle

Through the coming years.

I will carry you,

All your life.

And praise the One

Whose chosen me

To carry You!!

 

Well now I am off to celebrate my daughters heaven birthday!  Happy Wednesday to you!!

   

If you missed reading about Haley in my earlier posts than you can read about What I remember and about Haley’s Christmas presents or even about Haley’s 5th year; all you have to do is click on the purple links (ok so it isn't purple it is blueish instead!).  There is more and also there is "Her Story" on the side panel that tells about the first trimester of my pregnancy with her.  (Her Story is a work in progress and can be hard to write sometimes!)